giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize