we have officially lost it.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
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Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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