you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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