her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
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Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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