His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
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I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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