you turned your livingroom into a bong?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
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Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
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Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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