I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
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Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
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If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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