Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize