Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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