If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
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