party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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