the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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