i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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