I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
there's paper in my vomit.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
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Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
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Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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