saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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