It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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