I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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