I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
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Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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