well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
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By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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