Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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