i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize