so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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