can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize