We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize