Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize