How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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