apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize