Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
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I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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