I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize