cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
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if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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