So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
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I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
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you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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