I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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