Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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