oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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