Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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