I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
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there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
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Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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