Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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