and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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