I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
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You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
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You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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