"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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