dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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