Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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