My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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