Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize