I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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