i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize