I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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