I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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