So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
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I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
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I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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