I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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